10 Respondents Who Caught My Eye

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PG-13My Craigslist ad generated a lot of attention.

Disregarding the vast ocean of trolling accusations and penis pictures, I’ve received responses that are worthy of re-surfacing. These responses are all unedited, save for the information that has been omitted for security issues.

Also, I’d love to post pictures to accompany EVERY response, but that might be invading some sort of privacy. 

 

 

 

(10) The Longest Sentence in the World

Hey what’s up saw your listing thought I dropped a line I’m 26 years old  from Palo Alto I’M  from El Salvador I work as a pastry cook at a hotel I do all of the deserts for the restaurant and the market which is a store at the hotel where we sell pastries my best friends call me shy one because I get really shy when I meet women I do have a picture  on myspace just look me up as shy one I have a resident evil  background because it’s one of my favorite movies hope to hear from you soon. thank you

 

Loves Tough Broads

(9) Cutting the Bullshit

wow tough broad. tough broads turn me ON!

 

(8) Woman Beater?

I’m really confused I don’t know if I’m more smart or funny.

Hi my names Quinn I’m an artist, and I really dig music and movies.

I don’t take shit from anyone. lol Just thought I would through that in.

Your post really didn’t say to much about you, what do you think of chris brown?

 

(7) Imtellectual

Hi how are you

I’m not ghetto and I do have imtellect

I’m a total computer geek

But I also like to have fun and I’m adventurous

I’m not some smooth talker but just give me 1 chance

That’s all I ask

Sincerely

Jason

P.s. I’m using this dinosaur iPhone so I can’t do picture messenging sorry

 

Told Me Racist Jokes, Too(6) This Came From a 40-Something-Year-Old Asian Man

as for porn and porn stars, oh yes I’m familiar with that shit esp since the internet came into being.  I’m a lot more familiar with the stars from late 80’s to mid 90’s.  The new crop don’t know much about, and I think the older crop from the 80’s was much much better looking.  The women new really how to dress like sexy slut whores.

 

 

(5) Sexy Queen

Hello!

Good Morning hope you having a great morning. My name is [censored] been in the bay areafor 30yrs. I am 6’3 240lbs also a former marine. I was born at Nicaragua and looking for my queen i hope this is you. I am looking for my queen that i can take care of and cook dinner for her and more other things that will make her happy from head to toes. If you want to call me please do so at [censored]. Please make sure you are ready for a long term relationshipbecause i am. Please email me your picture for me to see my sexy queen that i am going to be with forever.

 

(4) Rickroll

Watcha mean by rickroll’d ma ? Man u got n my 2 other niggas lookn at  eachother like wtf.. Lol.. Be more specific so I can answer da question for u.. A specific guy.. Man u love to play hard to get watcha mean by rickroll’d there’s a lot of meaning to it..

 

(3) Bilingual

my favorite programming language? spanish and english.. At work, my co-workers are showing me, chinese. What about you?

 

(2) Fanboys

How come you decided to banish me? because I have a mac? I was down for everything you described I think we shud give it a shot and hang out

 

(1) My Dream Come True?

It’s been a couple days and I don’t want to be a Navi or a Slippy, but I’m not fond of being told the princess is in another castle after avoiding hundreds of minions, endless pits, lava, fireballs and Bowsers. When told that there’s a cake waiting for me at the castle, I’ll jump, stomp, swim, fly through circles and collect stars to reach the end. I’m willing to take shots hoping to hit, but it sucks being mocked by man’s best friend when I hit nothing. Or even spend my time patiently shooting endless X-buster shots at a small target all the while standing on a small floating platform dodging endless amounts of enemy fire. But catching you online is like trying to catch Abra; I see you there, but you just teleport away leaving me hanging with a Poke’ball. 

As you put it in your article on geeky lovers, there’s a very small range of girls with similar interests. I’d have to put away gaming and Anime and go into cars or clubbing to open up new doors. You are a gamer girl looking for a geeky guy to go out with. That is quite rare. Both the latter and the former. I’ll start with the latter first. Girls often times don’t go out looking for geeky guys. There’s this notion that we’re the daggers of Castlevinia, ladder in Link to the Past, Megaman’s leaf shield of top spin, sleep/death spell in Final Fantasy or Mario’s tanuki suit. Thanks to pop culture, geeks are avoided like banana peels or oil spots on the track. Gamer girls were once a myth; like jumping over the flag pole in Super Mario Bros. or unlocking Sonic in SSB series. Sonic became a part of SSBB and jumping the flag pole was also proven (but few gamers have actually achieved it). While the gamer girl myth has been debunked, gamer girls are like Mewtwo and catching them would require nothing less than high leveled Poke’mon and a couple Masterballs.

Meeting you was a random chance, like catching Mew through a glitch. By the time I saw your article on pixelatedgeek, your craigslist post had already been flagged. I searched a bit to see if I could find a way to contact you, but opportunity presented itself when you added me as a friend on Digg. I knew I didn’t have all the stats you wanted (I’m not a cute pink anthropomorphic ball that can suck in qualities and then squat down to absorb them); but I decided to push the start button for the game even though I’m starting with a handicap.

This game is unlike any game I’ve played before. There are some similar aspects like every so often I’d get a power upgrade like an occasional mushroom or a key item in the form of maps, compasses or keys. But they don’t last long as one hit knocks away all my armor leaving me in my shorts and key items only last for one single dungeon. I have to spend my time jumping and dodging enemy fire not to get hit because one hit will either depower me or kill me instantly. There’s no star power since even with star power I can still get hurt. I don’t know if I have any lives left as the game refuses to say nor does it have save points or quicksaves I can load from in case I screw up. I’m not sure if collecting 100 coins or 10000 points will buy me another life or if there’s even a chance to continue. I don’t know if I start where I fall, a checkpoint in the level, beginning of a level or start from the beginning if I die. Nor do I know when I’ll hit the black screen with white letters saying: “Game Over”. There’s no HP system in this game, no multi-classing to get the best of two classes, no summons to boost my chances of beating a boss, no feather I can get to jump over a wall, no Smash Ball for a powerful finisher, no clone I can replace a past self with, no wingman to save my ass, no potions to clear my status or heal me, no fairy to fill up my hearts, nor do I have Game Genie or Konami code to help me. I only have flower power to warm up you and your heart to me.

You’re not only one of the few girls who would catch most or all these references, but also one who would laugh as you remember your own experiences. If I fell into a pit, ran into a fireball, got hit by a bullet, got shot down or any game scenario death, please tell me and let me know because I don’t want it to be Game Over. I don’t want my princess to tell me that the cake is a lie.