In my quest to find the perfect man, I decided that the best route to take was to troll the areas where he may be lurking. He won’t be buying me drinks at the bar. He won’t be reading a book at a local coffee shop. He won’t be playing basketball at the gym.
He will be on the Internets. Stealing my heart.
Therefore, I decided to publish an ad on Craigslist – because reaching the target audience is the first step towards love. And also because I’m moderately shameless. Kind of.
An important note: The geeks I manage to find (i.e. in the computer lab) rarely exhibit a sufficient amount of confidence to talk (back) to me. I find it much easier to strike conversation with them through a medium in which they are comfortable, that is, through the computer. Also, I hardly ever post up my pictures, but had I left myself faceless, I would be subject to the stereotypes of being: (a) fat, (b) ugly, (c) a man, or (d) all of the above. Uh, not to say that none of those items apply?
Incidentally, within an hour of posting, my ad received approximately 50 responses from approximately 48 dipshits before getting flagged. (Yes, I’ll admit that 4% of them stole my e-breath away). In one unfortunate instance, however, I asked, “what’s your favorite [programming] language?” He responded, “you mean like english? [sic]” Time to take an alternate route, captain.
please be smart and funny, please be smart and funny, please be smart – 21 (berkeley)
I’m very picky.
But I’m not looking for some tall, handsome dipshit who likes walking along the beach and buying flowers. Or whatever.
The only men who seem to approach me tend to be either (a) ghetto black men who are interested in only one type of head or (b) well-dressed douchebags who overuse the word “awesome.”
And that is not what I’m looking for. Granted, I’m very picky.
Incidentally, don’t message me unless you fit the following criteria. Also, I promise that this is not a joke – this is your dream come true:
(1) You are fluent in C++, Python, Perl, Java, Ajax, MySQL, and PHP. Or a good majority of them.
(2) The following acronyms mean something to you: OOT, SC:BW, CS, D2, DOTA, SSBM, and, hell, YTMND.
(3) Your even ‘tan’ is accredited mostly to the light on your computer screen.
(4) Excessive facial hair. And thus, excessive body hair.
(5) You don’t give a shit about what other people think about you, especially when you’re wearing your hole-ridden gym shorts and your free t-shirt from an engineering internship you had last summer.
Based on your e-mail, I will know instantly whether or not you fit my criteria, so don’t try to bullshit me.
I’m an amazing cook and I will give you blowjobs. And this probably excites you because you’re most likely a virgin. I will play video games with you. I will make you sandwiches. And you can play with my boobs.
The only reason I’m posting this on Craigslist is because you motherfuckers are hard to find, and I’m not willing to create an account on WOW.
I’m honestly just looking for someone who can make me laugh. For someone who can understand me and my Internet-based sense of humor. For someone to care for. For someone to cuddle with. And for someone to bone, I guess.
Related Posts :
The Difficulties in Finding a Geeky Lover
Three Wolf Moon Shirt gets on The Office- 5 Video Reasons Why Olivia Munn is the Hottest Geek
/official first fan
second! and i went to high school with her!
This is every guys dream come true, i tip my hat off to any of you who are capable to communicate your worthiness to a gamer girl like her. im jealous because shes gonna make you a sandwhich, AFTER shes watched you play video games for hours
oh jamie…did i ever tell you that I love you?
I failed the requirements of being smart and going to Berkeley, however, i got to play with her boobies. ’nuff said.
/10′d
/favorited
I did give her my oozinator as a token of my appreciation. Therefore…she’s that special gentlemen.
…with a extra case of ooze too, ya bitch!
MySQL? You are aiming for the skanks? :)
Hah, if only women like this really existed. /cry
I match all of your criteria, but you forgot one important one: I’m also engaged. Good luck on your search — just letting you know that we do exist…
Once again you fit the stereotypical girl posting on Craiglist with the checklist approach.
How about buying a vibrator. someone obviously must have known something about computer programming or engineering to make it so you can fantasize about that person whilst you satisfy your inner urges.
I think I saw your photo on santamatch… makes sense!
try santamatch – they will probably give you free membership with this photo :)
Unfortunately, we’d have fights over programming languages or indentation styles, and the makeup sex would just be… weird as fuck. I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that.
But hey, I’m always down to try new things, so I put together a short video clip to let see me and get a feel for my personality.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edaJP3Lp0Gg
This is pretty awesome. Unfortunately, I don’t fit the requirements (computational chemistry nerd, not CS/CG nerd, and lacking any sort of crippling social issues).
Good luck, you’re going to make someone very happy.
just FYI, i’ve had a piece of this before. yeah thats right.
Elegantly done, Pepe.
LOOL Pepe. u sneaky son of a b*tch haha
Why the Ruby hate? C’mon.
eh…been there done that…=)
*Rolls up sleeves on cardigan sweater
That’s awesome.
Damn, your criteria is of type int so 4/5=0. You’re a geek’s dream come true. Now if only I had excessive facial and body hair…
You almost met my standards, but then you blew it by misuse of case on WoW.
Stumbled onto this most epic lulz of the day
I love teh interwebz
After carefully pondering it I’ve discovered who your dream man is
http://carlrox.ytmnd.com/
Not to be picky but as a geek, I am picky. “Ajax” and “MySQL” are as valid answers to the programming language question as “english”.
And it’s a mite condescending to assume all geeks are virgins isn’t it?
(1) Yes and others
(2) Yes.
(3) Yes and having the wrong dna switch active (the one that gives me red hair gives me no tan ability.)
(4) Have body hair. I cut the facial hair because it grows in patchy.
(5) Yes.
Since the add is gone and I have no e-mail for you, look me up on facebook and I will be more than happy talk about all the other details.
I will beat you in Halo.
@ Brent – meeting a geek who isn’t a virgin (at my age) makes me a bit skeptical.
@ Bryan – stalk me properly and find my contact information.
@ BiggerBalls – I came.
LOL.
I love you.
Jamie-
I got a return email from CL about the flagged post after writing a long point by point response to your ad a few days ago, I was heartbroken :D
Luckily I stumbled onto this page after deciding on a whim to try some of the memorable phrases from the ad in google (it wasn’t blowjobs and sandwiches I swear) to see if you reposted anywhere. I hope this doesn’t count against me in the geek category but I’m not high enough level e-stalker to figure out your contact info on this site, and your profile didn’t have much… I’d like to submit my application :P
[...] My Craigslist ad generated a lot of attention. Aside from the vast ocean of trolling accusations and penis pictures, I’ve received responses that are worthy of re-reading. The following post is a result of: [...]
You want to see a funny craigslist person all with responses? This had me rolling!
http://www.bigsuperwinner.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=137:sherry-responds-to-seeking-a-girlfriend-for-my-son-brian&catid=35:dialogs&Itemid=27
and
http://www.bigsuperwinner.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=130:julie-responds-to-lawyer-poet&catid=49:christian-father-seeks-qfriendq-for-daughter&Itemid=27
LOL you sound like a girl I would like to meet. Love the W.O.W. reference. Not all geeks play that I know I don’t.
ha WoW is deff not the place to go looking. besides the fact that people that dont even fit half your criteria play it, it is the spawn of satin! lol jk, but no seriously it is…
;…; <– satin face (he eats you)
Hmm, I guess 4 out of 5 isn’t bad. I did take some Basic in high school, does that count? Have always wanted to learn but all the shiny objects around me make it difficult.
I’m also quite the hairy motherfucker and I love me some blowjobs and samiches.
I do still play WoW and not a virgin though .. I guess that’s a deal breaker?
fail app is fail. :/
[...] this opinion is entirely binary. If you are a female in the gaming industry, you are either (1) “every guys dream come true” (2) “the ugliest bitch on the face of this planet.” There is nothing in between. This [...]