Get money, get paid… Just kidding! Check it out you know Dr. Phil, well I’m Dr. Fill(matic)

I’ve scoured the internet for what seems like ages (about 7.25 minutes) gathering information for you guys and I’ve come across some really good advice from a few different sources.

So you want that nerd/geek girl do you? Then be yourself, you’re better off being yourself. That’s what comes naturally to you go with that. Look at our writer Jamie, she’s been looking for you all this time and she’s a good looking girl. But if you don’t want to be yourself or are looking to branch out read on.

This is a simulation of a conversation that would go on between yourself and myself before I gave you this advice:

n00b: But Mr. Matic, the girl I like does not like geeks.
1337 Ass Fillmatic: Well fuck nut, you’re playing above your skill level.
n00b: But…
1337 AF: Shut the fuck up fuck nugget , I will help you.

That’s how the conversation would go. Also notice that I have italicized  and underlined my 1337ness, just go ahead and let that sink in.

Anyway here it goes:

1. First thing we have to do is get you  out of those clothes. Sure the Editor and Chief of Pixelatedgeek.com can get away with wearing a Tanooki sweater.

He already has a girlfriend though that accepts him for who he is. You’re not looking for that type of girl, so lets go ahead and get you some new clothes.  Take your geek ass down to Bloomingdales or a similar store where people can HELP you and find a girl that works there. Tell her exactly what you’re trying to do and be nice and sincere. “Excuse me miss, I’m trying to ask this girl out on a date but she will definately not talk to me wearing the clothes I’m in right now. These are the only kind of clothes I own. Can you help me.” Shit, for all you know just saying that will get you a date with your Bloomingdales shopper.

2. Put your geek shit away.  Stop carrying around your PSP or your DS or whatever the fuck you carry with you. Why the fuck do you have a Darth Vader bobble head doll on your dashboard?

Do not reffer to your car as the Millenium Falcon.

I swear to god I will show up and slap you if you do that on a date. You want something to keep you occupied and not look like a total nerd? Get an Iphone or a Samsung Omnia.

You’ll have access to all your geek shit, but look somewhat stylish at the same time.

3. You’re trying to meet girls? Well girls don’t hang out in the arcade on Saturday. This guy does…

Girls? They’re doing one of two things. Getting over the hangover from the “Super fun” night they had out last night (without you of course cause you were playing WoW) or getting ready to go out. You need to be getting ready too. It sounds “Gay” (no offense to my homosexual peoples) but go get yourself a manicure.

You would not believe how many times I’ve had girls come up to me and tell me I have nice hands after a manicure. Besides, there’s plenty of cute girls you can meet at the nail salon. Guess what, they’ll like you more cause you know how to take care of yourself. Make sure your hair is trimmed up too. I’m not just talking about on your head. Your nose, face, and by god shave that hair on the back of your neck.

If you’re super hairy on your arms, like chewbacca hair. I suggest getting yourself some Veet.

4.

She doesn’t know what a Level 12 Paladin is.  You’re going to have to talk about real people shit. Catch up on current events, entertainment news whatever. I’m not saying you have to start watching sports either.  Try and find out what she likes without being a stalker and learn about it. This is where that Iphone or Omnia I told you to get comes in handy. You have google and wikipedia to your advantage. Use it.

5.  Confidence is key. You know how you get on Xbox Live and you’re quick to tell everyone how dope you are on Halo 3 and you’re not afraid to talk shit on the mic?

Well take the headset off and don’t look like this herb. Transfer that confidence to the girl, tone it down a little and you’ll be good.

6. You’re smart dumbass  “You know, like nunchuku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills… Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.”  and you have great skills.

Make sure she knows this. Sure you might not be able to lift weights, but you could probably build a robot to do that for you anyway. Remember, you’re a geek/nerd. You can do great shit that other guys can not.

Anyway, I’m getting tired of writing this so I’ll just add some more shit for you guys at another time. Take this info and run with it. You’ll be straight.

-Fillmatic