First things first.

This post is not about Leonard Nimoy. This post is DEFINITELY NOT about Zachary Quinto. This post is about Spock and why I wouldn’t mind having a little bit of (perhaps half) Vulcan in me.

Seeing as how this is the most obvious reason for Spock’s sex appeal, let’s get it out of the way quickly – the guy is insanely intelligent. With a brain that big, you’d have to assume proportionality worked in his favor. He served as Science Officer under two different captains, and I wouldn’t mind serving as a “science officer” under him.

Spock is notorious for his inability (or refusal?) to display emotions. Even the beautiful Leila Kalomi couldn’t get the words out of him without using a pod plant to infect Spock’s emotional control. Granted, if he tells you that he loves you, he’d have to really fucking love you. Be wary, however – while he might declare his devotion, he might not tell you if he has another name.

27-YEAR-OLD SPOILER ALERT, he dies. In Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Khan activated the Genesis Device to fuck up the Enterprise. The warp drive got damaged and released all sorts of radiation. Spock restores power to the ship but dies from the radiation poisoning. The crew holds a funeral and shoots his body into space; he eventually lands on the Genesis planet, which reverses his body into a baby again. The point? Spock can love you forever.

Although he comes off as a gentle and reserved being, Spock is honed with impressive physical abilities. In addition to his strength, stamina, and agility, he also seems to know the exact points on the human body for instant reaction – namely, the Vulcan nerve pinch. Perhaps he is aware of other nerve pinches that can deliver an equally climactic sensation? Also, let’s not overlook the fact that he doesn’t need food or sleep for days on end – a remarkable endurance that can easily come in handy.

While it may require a bit of usurping, Spock will sing beautifully to you. Perhaps even pants-less. In addition to this musical talent, he can also play the piano and the beautiful Vulcan lute. What other finger and throat exercises do you need, Mr. Spock? Here’s a clip of him singing in “Plato’s Stepchildren.” Pay close attention to the lyrics – I know I did.
(Note: if you enjoy Nimoy’s singing, make sure to check out the Ballad of Bilbo Baggins)

Spock knows how to do it: he can share thoughts, experiences, memories and knowledge with other beings, simply from the act of touching. He can do it with one hand, two hands, or no hands. Do you know what this entails? Dirty talk from across the room. Knowing exactly why you’re mad even though you say you’re not mad. Endless mindfucking. I’ll admit it: he can mind-meld me without my consent any time he wants.

Everything adds up – Spock is a bold, bold man. He handles the Horta when Kirk is too much of a pussy. His evil alter-ego can sport a goatee. He even made out with Uhura. He’s a man of poise and assertiveness. Given his confidence in taking risks, I’d have no problem in casually running into him while he’s going into pon farr. And should he ever break my heart, I trust in knowing that he is, and always will be, my friend.

I’ve already announced the type of man I’m looking for on Craigslist and I declared my love for five video game characters. Granted, I hope that this post comes as no surprise to you.