Have a question you’d like to ask? Ask away. All submissions will remain anonymous.
Dear Jamie,
Ok, so I read your Friend Zone articles and I think that it would be right to ask you. I’m 21 years old and I’m still a virgin. I know its not that bad of an age but I’m in my last year of college and I haven’t so much even kissed a girl. I’ve been trying to be more social: like going to parties, bars, clubs. Some of the girls I meet there are really pretty but most of them seem like idiots and I wouldn’t want to get into anything serious with them. I’m scared because I feel like it will be harder to find a girlfriend when I enter the “Real World.” I have a month and a half before I graduate: HELP!
Thanks,
The Legal Virgin
Dear The Legal Virgin,
Even after a swift move of “ctrl+f ?”, I completely missed your question. I will assume that you’re asking, “What the fuck am I doing wrong?” And if I completely missed the boat on that one, I apologize – send in another question. There’s a lot of topics to cover with all of the information you’ve provided, but I’ll touch on perhaps your most overlooked error: location, location, location.
Firstly, bear these two items in mind:
(1) we attract and gravitate towards those who we are most similar to us.
(2) The partner we choose is a reflection of who we are or who we would like to become.
The outgoing and extroverted girls you speak of appear attractive to you perhaps because they serve as a reflection of what you would like to become – that is, outgoing and extroverted. And seeing as how (1) outgoing and extroverted individuals tend to get laid more often, and (2) you’re seeking advice on how to get laid a girlfriend, I feel confident in my inference.
The reason you don’t find yourself completely attracted to them (“most of them seem like idiots”) is perhaps because you place high value on your intelligence – a practice that appears to be absent with these “really pretty” females at high-energy venues.
Let me tell you why that practice appears to be absent: you can’t have a conversation when it’s too fucking loud to hear what the other person is saying.
While most evidence points to otherwise, not all women who have an active night-life are complete morons. A big problem, however, is that meeting someone worthwhile in that type of situation is victim to the following variables: loudness in the room, dim lighting, and blood-alcohol content. You seem to be looking for a smart girl. So what the fuck are you doing at a club? Will you be judging a woman’s intelligence based on her ability to pop, drop and lock it?
If you feel uncomfortable there, it’s not your scene. Likewise, if you feel uncomfortable there, you will have a LOT of trouble trying to convince a chick to date you.
My advice is to look for women in other places. If you consider yourself a nerd, you’ll work best with a nerd chick. Think about it this way: “If I were a chick, where would I hang out?” Whether the answer to your question is in the computer lab, your discrete mathematics class, or on Craigslist, it is most likely that your dream girl is awaiting you.
Good luck, Geek.
Jamie
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- Geek Counseling: Sexual Peer Pressure
This is the real advice you should have gotten.
Bone dumb broads often while you search for the one.
[...] Consider this: like is attracted to like. This means that smart people like other smart people, athletes like other athletes, geeks like other geeks, etc. This is a sort of psychological behavior; we are attracted to those who are similar to us because it is used as a form of self-verification. When there are major differing qualities in the attractive and the attracted, the latter usually has a desire to become more like the former. I talk about this more in this post. [...]