Just got home from the IMAX version of Transformers 2 with the lowest of expectations of just watching robots fight.  I got what I came for and now here’s my easy to read review broken into 4 pieces and 2 groups.  Robots, Explosions, Plot, and Tits, grouped into Good and Bad.

The Good Stuff

Robots
I loved them.  ILM once again, brought our imaginations of transforming robots to life.   When fans asked for more robots, we got them.  We asked for more fight sequences and oh boy did we get them. The fight sequences were wonderfully choreographed. You can tell that ILM held nothing back when it came to special weapons and robot brawls.

To read more, just go past the break.  There’s a lot you need to read before watching the movie.  Don’t worry. There aren’t any spoilers.

Ouch

Explosions
BOOM! BANG! POP! Yup, in every fight sequence there was always an explosion because of a robot gun going off, a robot being thrown and hitting the ground, or a robot crash landing from space.  If Transformers 1 had too many explosions, Transformers 2 had way too much.

Plot
The plot almost follows the original cartoon movie plot. And yea. That’s it for that.

Tits
Instead of one hot girl taking up the screen, we had 2.  The 2nd girl, Isabel Lucas, we don’t get to see much in the movie. But she was damn awesome and sexy.

The Bad Stuff

Robots
During the melee fights, it was really hard to tell who was hitting who.  You would see the occasional missiles, sparks and blaster shots and during those time, you knew who was firing it.  But in actuality, if you really saw alien robots fighting, I doubt you would be able to tell who’s part is who’s when they are in close combat.

Explosions
In every action scene, there was an explosion  and humans running away. Towards the end of the movie, it became too cliched.

Action Scene 1 – BOOM! AHH! RUN AWAY!
Action Scene 2 – BOOM! AHH! RUN AWAY!
Action Scene 3 – BOOM! AHH! RUN AWAY!
Action Scene 4 – BOOM! AHH! RUN AWAY!
Action Scene 5 – BOOM! AHH! RUN AWAY!
Etc.

Plot
Sam had a destiny to help the Autobots save the world.  Optimus Prime and the Autobots had to stop the Decepticons from finding more Energon, the life blood for creating more Decepticons.  If you were expecting something more or deep from the plot, I’m sorry.  This is a Michael Bay film.

Toe Thumb

Tits
In Transformers 1, I wasn’t convinced that Megan Fox couldn’t act.  Maybe I was blinded by her tits. But now, in Transformers 2, every time she spoke, I wanted to punch the huge IMAX screen.  She tried to act and I cringed from frustration.  Yes, we get it, you’re “hot” but you can’t act worth shit. When you expressed your love for Sam, I didn’t believe it.  When you were scared and hiding in Egypt from Megatron, I didn’t believe you.  Do us all a favor Megan.  Tits or GTFO.  You’re not an actress, you’re a sex doll.  Just pose nude in a magazine so all the boys can get what they want.  That new actress that plays the Decepticon out acted you, and she was only there for about 5 mins.

Other little things I got mad at

• While Sam and Makela were saying goodbye to each other, the camera kept spinning around them. I was about to puke.  Not because I was getting dizzy, but because how cliched that part was.
• The writing and dialogue was seriously lame.  I cringed every time a cliched line would be spoken.
• It took many robots and thousands of years to try and find the “Matrix” with no success. Yet, Sam found it in a couple of hours.
• After Sam revived the old Decepticon, Jetfire, they left the Washington Air Museum through the back and wound up in an Arizona airplane junk yard within seconds?!
• Sam visiting Robot Heaven
• The Matrix forming itself once again
• Michael Bay trying to make a parallel plot at the end of the movie
• and Megan Fox

Final Word (aka tl;dr)

The movie was half-bad.  The only good parts were when the robots fought each other.  Either than that, you can’t expect much from Michael Bay and his numerous cliches of dialogue, Top Gun like Naval shots, and overall movie direction.  This movie wasn’t worth the money or time put into watching it.  My suggestion to you, if you haven’t already seen it, is to wait it out on Torrent or rent it on DVD. Yes, it’s that bad.

If anyone came out of theater thinking this was a great movie, they were probably:

• 5 to 18 years old
• one of those teeny boppers that think the Reality TV show “The Hills” is actually real
• blinded by Megan Fox’s fake tits
• one of those people that will procreate and make our world stupid. Then their great great great great great grandchildren will be found in a movie theater watching a movie called “ASS” and loving it. (Idiocracy, look it up.)

The only way the movie can be saved is by this:

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