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Dear Jamie,
Something is deeply wrong with me, Jamie. I set myself up to get hurt over and over. I just want it to stop. The only time I feel alive is when I am loving or when I am hurting. The moments in between I am just going through the motions of dying. Everything seems so pointless.
I go to the gym. But for what? I eat. For what? I go to school, I work, I play music, I game, I maintain friendships, etc. But none of it matters if I do not come home knowing that someone is waiting for me to share my days with. Sure, family is great but it is not the same love. It is eros I seek.
I’ve been caught between ideas, philosophy, beer bottles, and poetry that I’ve forgotten who I am.
WTF is my problem. Am I missing something? Seriously WTF?
Signed,
Lonely
Dear Lonely,
Desire is the root of all suffering and it seems that you’ve become its slave.
It seems that you began with a passion for love, but this passion has tragically transformed into an obsession. You have a large amount of energy that you’d like to share with someone, but it appears that nobody is willing to accept it. This is where your frustration lies. You want it, but you can’t reach it. Your quest for a partner has become the center of your life. And when the partner is not found, your life is in shambles.
So fucking quit that shit.
There’s more to life than finding the right someone. Focus on improving yourself – not for the sake of making yourself more attractive to others, but for the sake of being the best person you can be. The beautiful irony in this is that when you become the best person you can be, you naturally become more attractive to others. Adjust your intentions. When you live life for yourself instead of living life for a prospective lover, you will abandon the desire that has caused you to suffer.
Take on new hobbies. Be creative. Life is an adventure.
And quit acting like you require someone’s companionship in order to be happy. While it’s definitely a perk, you must realize that it’s not a necessity. Also, keep in mind that it’s foolish to rush into finding a perfect partner. You can’t force her to meet you – you don’t even know who she is yet! The best relationships happen naturally.
You must be happy with yourself before others can find it easier to be happy with you.
Good luck, Geek.
Jamie
Agree with what I have to say? Do you think I’m full of shit? Tell me what you think in the comments.
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It was only after I gave up looking that I found the love of my life.
I never understood the advice my siblings gave me when they said “don’t look for a GF. Your GF will look for you.” And just like forevil said, I too found the love of my life when I wasn’t looking. =)
Sometimes being the best you isn’t enough…speaking from experience, here. No one’s interested…I get tired of hearing people say that just being yourself is enough. BS.
If being yourself isn’t working. Figure out why. Just like programming, if there are bugs that are preventing your program from working, you have to fix it.
As with relationships, you gotta “stomp out your bugs first”. Learn to have confidence in yourself. Once you do, a girl will notice it and will come to you because you were being your own confident self.
Get it?