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Dear Jamie,

I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. She’s constantly hanging around other guys and she’s very secretive about her whereabouts. She doesn’t pick up her phone all of the time when I call her. I ask her if she’s cheating on me and she just rolls her eyes and says no, but I don’t believe her.

How do I find out the truth?

Signed,
Troubled

Dear Troubled,

Slow down.

What makes you think she’s cheating on you? Is she not affectionate enough? Is she a little off sometimes? Did you catch her sucking face with another dude? It’s difficult to determine that somebody is genuinely cheating on you unless you have solid evidence.

From the few sentences you’ve written to me, I think you may have it all in your head. Don’t make this a self-fulfilling prophecy – you seem to be completely convinced that she’s cheating on you, which may result in her actually cheating on you.

It seems that she may be drifting farther away because you’re clinging onto her balls so hard. If you’re in a stage where you’re constantly worried that your partner is cheating on you, there definitely isn’t enough trust in the relationship.

This is where the misunderstanding is: your partner isn’t aware of how much attention you need and you aren’t aware of how much freedom your partner needs. This is how to fix that misunderstanding: talk to her about it.

Be very direct. If the two of you aren’t willing to reach a sound resolution on this, then it might mean you aren’t willing to build the basic foundations of trust. And what good is a relationship if neither partner trusts one another?

Good luck, Geek.
Jamie

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