The year in games is coming to an end, and I am sure that many of you have wasted countless hours riding horses, stabbing zombies, and, most of all, killing grunts. While these games are all great fun, most of the hottest titles carry an “M for Mature” rating with them. Last time I checked, Santa wasn’t a fan of murder. So while they all are great fun, here are my Top 5 Games That Will Get You on the Naughty List. Honorable mentions go to games that exist solely to stare at digital women (I’m looking at you, Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad).
5) Grand Theft Auto IV: Complete Edition
Yes, this is an older game. But with the new “complete edition,” which includes both add-on packs for between $30-40, it is bound to be spinning in many systems come Christmas. This open-world game was made to put you on the naughty list. You are given the freedom to pretty much do what you like. Feel like shirking the main story mission to see how many pedestrians you can mow down in your car? Go for it. Want to play a game of gun tag with the cops? They’ve got you covered. Also, you can go to a bar and play darts, you filthy degenerate, you.
4) Fable 3
Fable 3 welcomes us back into the beautiful world of Aurora. The world is bursting with tasks and quests to accomplish. You could easily get yourself on the nice list playing this game. You could save the damsels, build new schools, and stay true to your one love. Or you could kill the damsel and take her money, force the children into a sweat shop, and marry a new woman in every city (not to mention all the hookers you can find). So the choice is yours. But since your good decisions tend to lose you money (and we all love money), I bet some of you will play your way onto the naughty list with this one.
3) Call of Duty: Black Ops
Call of Duty Black Ops once again proved that nothing of this generation is bigger than Call of Duty. In fact, Activision recently reported the newest iteration has just passed $1 billion in sales (for more on that check out this IGN link here). But its popularity can’t save it from Santa’s judgmental eye. Black Ops is like Rambo, only bloodier and more profane. Every time you jump for joy after stabbing someone through the neck, you can bet Santa is looking through his coal pile for some special pieces just for you.
2) Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood
Santa’s not even going to get past the name of this one before he starts making changes to his list. True to its name, Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood features many brutal ways to dispatch enemies. Brotherhood also doesn’t shy away from the ladies, as Ezio is quickly becoming one of gaming’s biggest lady killers (there is a pun there, I can sense it). Santa just doesn’t understand why you can’t get the same thrills out of Wii Party.
1) Red Dead Redemption
Red Dead Redemption stormed on to the scene, proving once again that Rockstar Games certainly knows what it is doing. I have already outed myself as a big fan of the game. So I guess that means I am going on the naughty list, and that is fine by me. Sure you can pretty much run rampantly through the west as a classic outlaw or bandit. And, yeah, maybe the language can be a little colorful. Okay, you can shoot nuns if you feel like it. But Santa should understand; you get to be a cowboy. Can’t you cut us a little bit of slack, Santa?
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