I’ve had a terrible day, in fact I have had multiple terrible days. I’ve dealt with issues such as weight/image problems, my parents divorcing, teenage angst,   heartbreak, sexual frustration, sickness, and death. It sucks. It’s dirty. It hurts, sometimes for a while. You take time and you deal with your emotions because you can’t deal in motion. Take the time you need, everyone is different so it might take longer for some than others, but don’t over indulge. I recommend not starting and hosting a pity party, you don’t have the time and no one brought snacks. Plus, you have better things to do than be sad for the rest of your life, you have opened Pandora’s Box after all that hurt at the very bottom is hope.

and Guns. Hope and Guns. Which is also the name of my new band.

I finished Heavy Rain this week, if you get the chance pick it up for a very well crafted cinematic game. I promise not to give anything away, but there are multiple times where the main characters could die or fail. My FBI agent Norman Jayden (Who’s voice actor took inspiration from Christopher Walken and a Boston stereotype) bit the bullet while I was playing, then one of the coolest things to happen to me while playing videogames happened. THE GAME DIDN’T STOP. No Retry screen. It just kept moving along. I talk about my virtual disappointment and revelation for this reason. Life doesn’t stop. Things that are bad will happen to you. You can try and avoid all of your mistakes in your life, but like the Black Racer they are going to catch up with you.

That's right fools, a New Gods reference.

Think of every story of epic scale bad things happen to the hero/es. Luke’s aunt and uncle got fried, Rocky was a no one with a speech impediment, and Milo and Otis got lost from the farm. Did they buckle under pressure? YES! Then they got up and kept going. The important part of failure isn’t the fact that you failed. It’s what choices you make after the fact. A good majority of us are living in the mistakes of the past and not in the possibility of the future. Which one are you? Which one do you want to be? Now, get up, get going. You still have a life left to play.

Have questions, comments, hopes, dreams, fears? I’d love to hear them. justin(at)pixelatedgeek.com

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Hello Geeks,

I’m sorry to say that I’ve been disgustingly busy with work as of late. I work at a video game publisher and we’re about to get into our second closed beta. If you’re interested in MMORPGs or fucking awesome quest text, visit http://aika.gpotato.com for more information.

Consequently, I haven’t been able to answer all of your questions; I’ve decided to take a short break from Geek Counseling until we get this game up and running. It kind of sucks – I haven’t showered in weeks.

Anyhow, I can leave you beautiful people with some nuggets of advice that will hopefully suffice until I get back:

I’ll see you gorgeous bastards in mid-March. Good luck, Geeks!

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Dear Jamie,

i’m super fat. i’m with this girl but i fucking hate her. i want to break up with her because i fucking hate her, but i don’t think i’ll ever find someone else. this is because i’m super fat. what do you think i should do?

Signed,
Fatty

Dear Fatty,

I’m going to be really clear with you.

If this girl is in love with her, fucking quit that shit. You’re using her. Don’t be such an asshole.

Now this is what the problem is: you think that being a fat ass will prevent you from getting the poonani. This is a problem of perception, not of fact. This is my advice: fat people still get laid, dude. Fat people get mad pussy. You can be a total fat fuck and still get ass from the hottest bitches.

But some people don’t feel this way – especially fat people who aren’t getting mad pussy.

I have two solutions for you:

(1) Stop being fat. This will remove your insecurity and will get you that sweet vagina that you desire.

(2) Stop giving a fuck about how fat you are. This will also remove your insecurity, but you’d still have to worry about your cholesterol.

Now quit complaining and go build some confidence in yourself.

Good luck, Geek.
Jamie

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Dear Jamie,

I’m really in love with this girl but she has me by the balls. I think I want to marry her but just not yet. I’m not ready for that. She never lets me hang out with any of my friends. I can’t talk to any girls anymore. She always checks my stuff: facebook, phone, email. I love her and I want to marry her but I want my own space back. We’ve been together for about two years now and I’m 22.

I want to break up with her but she won’t let me. She says that I’m not thinking right and that I’ll change my mind again later. What do I do?

Signed,
NoMoreBalls

Dear NoMoreBalls,

What’s that? Your balls are gone?

Listen up, man – you’re not getting married any time soon. If you can find a girl like her now, you can find a girl like her later. Every girl in the entire fucking universe claims the same thing: “You’re never going to find another girl like me! I swear it! There’s nobody like me anywhere!” Guess what, bitches – everyone says that. And I won’t back away from this – I say that shit, too. THERE’S NO WAY WE CAN ALL BE RIGHT ABOUT THAT.

She’s not listening to you. Communication is absolute key to a relationship and she’s not letting you have your say. This isn’t a relationship man, this is her shredding your balls fall off. Is this what you want to be stuck in for the rest of your young adult life? You’ll be applying for Medicare by the time you’re 25.

Of course you’re going to go through the usual pisses and moans of, “oh, but we’ve been together for so long!” and “but she’s such a good catch!” but the fact of the matter is that YOU are sending ME a message about how much your relationship fucking sucks.

You’ve tried talking to her about it, but she doesn’t want to listen. You waddle around while she ties your nuts to a leash. Is this really what you want out of a relationship?

Stick up for yourself, dude.

Good luck, Geek.
Jamie

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Dear Jamie,

Asian chicks, man. Asian chicks.

Signed,
Yellowfever

Dear Yellowfever,

Readers, please send in more questions so that I don’t have to respond to shit like this.

Good luck, Geek.
Jamie

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Dear Jamie,

I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. She’s constantly hanging around other guys and she’s very secretive about her whereabouts. She doesn’t pick up her phone all of the time when I call her. I ask her if she’s cheating on me and she just rolls her eyes and says no, but I don’t believe her.

How do I find out the truth?

Signed,
Troubled

Dear Troubled,

Slow down.

What makes you think she’s cheating on you? Is she not affectionate enough? Is she a little off sometimes? Did you catch her sucking face with another dude? It’s difficult to determine that somebody is genuinely cheating on you unless you have solid evidence.

From the few sentences you’ve written to me, I think you may have it all in your head. Don’t make this a self-fulfilling prophecy – you seem to be completely convinced that she’s cheating on you, which may result in her actually cheating on you.

It seems that she may be drifting farther away because you’re clinging onto her balls so hard. If you’re in a stage where you’re constantly worried that your partner is cheating on you, there definitely isn’t enough trust in the relationship.

This is where the misunderstanding is: your partner isn’t aware of how much attention you need and you aren’t aware of how much freedom your partner needs. This is how to fix that misunderstanding: talk to her about it.

Be very direct. If the two of you aren’t willing to reach a sound resolution on this, then it might mean you aren’t willing to build the basic foundations of trust. And what good is a relationship if neither partner trusts one another?

Good luck, Geek.
Jamie

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Dear Jamie,

I met this guy and he’s absolutely amazing. He makes me laugh, he’s so smart, we connect really well. There is just one problem: he has a girlfriend on the other side of the country. I knew this but I still hooked up with him. He tells me that she’s a bitch and that he likes me a lot. Now the problem is that she’s visiting him next week. It makes me feel awful. She bought plane tickets and everything and she’s staying for a couple of days. What do I do?

Signed,
pussycatdoll

Dear pussycatdoll,

I think I should first say that I’m back from my two-month hiatus. Happy new year, motherfuckers. Now back to your question.

Unless you can somehow detach your emotions from this dude, it’d be in your best interest to quit that shit.

First of all, he’s not into you as much as you probably think he is. If he were, he’d have already broken up with his girlfriend to be with you exclusively.

Second of all, how would you feel if you were in his girlfriend’s shoes? You don’t want to be with this guy – he’s capable of hurting those who he claims to love. If he cheats on his girlfriend, there’s a chance that he’d cheat on you, too.

Third of all and most importantly, you’re treating yourself like a second choice. A runner-up. An understudy. A back-up. You’re worth more than that, sweetheart.

And even if the sex is hot and your emotions are under control, try to think of it from the girlfriend’s perspective: would you really want something like this to happen to you?

If you’re a hardxcore bitch and proud of it – go for it. From your letter, it seems that you and this guy are still relatively young. He probably wouldn’t be happy with bi-monthly sex and you should use up your vagina before it turns into sand in ten years. You probably shouldn’t expect a relationship to develop from this and I still think it’d be best for him to let go of his long-distance relationship before indulging in other ones.

If you’re a sweet girl who’s into love and shit like that, drop this mess immediately. There’s nothing wrong with just a little (little) fun, but that might be all he wants from you right now. And why do I say this?

Because he has a fucking girlfriend. And it’s not you.

Good luck, Geek.
Jamie

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Dear Jamie,

I was always the quiet, shy, geeky kid who was always picked on. I was overweight, had long hair, and bad acne. Girls were repulsed by me and classmates often used me as the butt of their jokes to make themselves look better. Now I’m in the best shape of my life. I can bench 300 pounds, deadlift 400, I can run 4 miles in a half hour.. the person I was, and I am now, are so far apart. The most ironic part, is I am in art school, majoring in game design. A school filled with people like the person I was.

I’ve had friends tell me at times that I can come off as a bit cocky. Maybe sometimes I try too hard to be a badass. I think it’s a combination of confidence, and not really knowing how to look, plus a billion other reasons.

Signed,
thejockifiedgeek

Dear thejockifiedgeek,

The most important thing I can tell you is to stay true to who you are. Many people will probably spew the “just be yourself!” bullshit at you – I know it gets a bit trite, but the advice is solid. The reason why it’s best to “just be yourself!” is because you’re most comfortable when you’re acting like yourself. And when you’re comfortable with yourself, you’re usually more confident with yourself.

I should remind you two important things: (1) We attract and gravitate twoards those who are most similar to us, and (2) The partner we choose is a reflection of who we are or who we would like to become. Feel free to read up more on this. The reason I bring up these two items is because it wraps around to how your confidence levels will react.

If acting like yourself means acting like a geek (as in, you are a geek), then it won’t be a problem being confident around geeky girls. If acting like yourself means acting like a nice guy (as in, you’re a nice guy), then it won’t be a problem being confident around nice girls. If acting like yourself means acting like a douchebag (as in, you are a douchebag), then it won’t be a problem being confident around douchebaggy girls.

If you don’t like being a geek and attracting geeky girls, being a nice guy and attracting nice girls, being a douchebag and attractive douchebag girls, etc., then it’s time to make some awkward adjustments to your personality. This will be painful. If a girl is rejecting you, then there is something about yourself that this female doesn’t find attractive. This “unattractive quality” of yours should be obvious to you. Here is an excerpt from an earlier Geek Counseling:

Perhaps you’re a bit overweight, maybe you’re not really a funny guy, you might live in a cardboard box under the freeway. If your downfall isn’t obvious (i.e. you’re cool and funny Mr. MachoMan who had straight A’s throughout school and you now have an extremely well-paying job), then the female is probably looking for something else. Take no offense to this, but some females simply just aren’t attracted to certain types, regardless of how ideal the type may seem.

And now evaluate this: is she REALLY, REALLY, REALLY worth the change? If a female doesn’t like you the way you are now, would you be happy if she were to like you after you’ve changed something about yourself? Sometimes this could encourage a change for the better; for example, a healthier lifestyle (weight loss, muscle gain, eating better, etc.) or a more successful path towards the future (getting a job, going back to school, etc.). On the other side of the coin, she might encourage you to change completely, perhaps for the worse; for example, embracing ideas and beliefs that you once disagreed with (switching/dropping religions, listening to the Jonas Brothers, etc.) or ditching something that you absolutely love (your friends, your video games, etc.). How will you handle the fact that she only liked you after the change?

You might assume that you’re in a special case, seeing as how you’ve sexified yourself and have still retained the awkward geekiness. However, this is clearly a challenge of finding your identity. How do you define yourself as a person? When you get a better grasp of who you are, you’ll get a better grasp of who you want to be with, and getting her to like you will feel natural.

If you are planning to make some adjustments to your personality, realize that it will be a lifestyle change not just a temporary fix for getting a girlfriend. Don’t lie to yourself about who you are, because you will in turn be lying to your potential partner about who you are. And that shit could get messy awfully quick. If you plan to make dramatic changes to the person you are, you might find yourself losing old friends and gaining new ones. Pay attention to these friends. The friends you are losing will carry qualities that you no longer want to have. The friends you are gaining will carry qualities that you strive for. Is this what you want to do? Birds of a feather flock together.

Whatever path you choose, allow your social circle to give you a good idea of who you are (i.e. establishing your identity), and to in turn, give you more confidence about who you are. While building this confidence, try talking to girls that you aren’t necessarily attracted to – just talk to them to talk to them. Don’t try out any stupid pick-up lines, don’t make some lame attempt at flirting – just say hi. You’ll find that many of them will actually feel flattered that you paid attention to them. Your confidence will grow and you’ll eventually be able to carry yourself well around women.

But please, in building your confidence, remember this: “Girls were repulsed by me and classmates often used me as the butt of their jokes to make themselves look better.” Be careful wih your newfound confidence – you might not want to turn into the type of person that made your earlier life miserable.

Good luck, Geek.
Jamie

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Dear Jamie,

My ex-gf pissed me the fuck off today. She asked me for her birth control pills ( I keep them for her ). For some reason it just set me on fire. I told her she was the reason I was mad. I told her I was mad because she wanted those pills so she can fuck her new midget boyfriend. I told her I was mad at her for everything she did to me. I told her I was mad at her that she didn’t respect me.

Have I just wasted the last 3 years of my life with her? I couldn’t hold that shit in because it has been bothering me for the past few days. Man I am so so angry. GAH what do I do? How do I deal with this?!?

Signed,
RAGE

Dear RAGE,

First, I wouldn’t say that the last three years were “wasted” – you’ve definitely had to have learned something from the relationship you had with her. And let’s be grateful that it was three years of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and not ten years of marriage.

Here is one lesson you’ve (hopefully) learned: break up with a girl when she cheats on you “the first time.” The first time is just breeding grounds for a second time, a third time, an x + 1 time. There is something wrong with the relationship when one person is willing to cheat on the other – no questions asked. Drop it unless you actually enjoy the taste of another man’s cock every time you guys kiss.

Here is another lesson to be learned: it’s not a good idea to talk to her so soon after the break-up. Every time you see her, all you will think about is what was and what could have been. That shit isn’t important. You guys aren’t together anymore. Every time you mope about how happy you guys once were and how you wanted to get married and have three babies and a house on top of a hill, you become pathetic and desperate. She’s fucking another guy, man. She cheated on you, man. She made you less of a man, man. Do you really want to invest any more of your time in someone who treats you like shit? You don’t want to be pathetic and desperate. Toughen up – she’s not the same girl you fell in love with. The girl you fell in love with wouldn’t have pulled that shit on you. Give it some time before you decide to talk to or see her again.

And perhaps the most important lesson to be learned: she doesn’t owe you anything. You gave her gifts, attention and your unconditional love. All for what? So she can fuck another dude two weeks after your break-up? Don’t you deserve something from her? After everything you’ve done for her?

The hard truth is that she owes you nothing.

What you decided to contribute to the relationship was up to you. If she was stepping all over you, you let her step all over you – perhaps for the entire three years. What you need to realize is that you deserve someone who is willing to go the extra mile for you. If you see that the effort is completely one-sided from the beginning, chances are that it will be one-sided for a very long time. Recognize these problems early on to avoid a nasty break up after three years of bullshit.

The fact that she owes you nothing means that there’s nothing for her to give to you except unnecessary stress. She seems to be making you upset more than she is making you happy. Is this really someone that you want to pursue anything else with? Think about the times she’s done anything to make you smile in the past few weeks, or even months. Does it negate the fact that she’s fucked another dude? Does it negate the fact that she found someone else a couple of weeks after the break-up? Does it negate the fact that she’s made you feel like any less of a man?

If you are still not over her, consider this. Your feelings don’t seem to be “love” as much as it seems to be “obsession.” When you realize that it is foolish to be obsessed over someone who treats you like shit, it will be easier to accept (and be thankful that) the relationship is over.

Good luck, Geek.
Jamie

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Agree with what I have to say? Do you think I’m full of shit? Tell me what you think in the comments. ]]> http://pixelatedgeek.com/2009/09/geek-counseling-three-years-down-the-drain/feed/ 1 http://pixelatedgeek.com/2009/09/geek-counseling-life-seems-pointless-without-anyone-to-share-it-with/ http://pixelatedgeek.com/2009/09/geek-counseling-life-seems-pointless-without-anyone-to-share-it-with/#comments Mon, 21 Sep 2009 23:59:31 +0000 jamie http://pixelatedgeek.com/?p=13146

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Dear Jamie,

Something is deeply wrong with me, Jamie. I set myself up to get hurt over and over. I just want it to stop. The only time I feel alive is when I am loving or when I am hurting. The moments in between I am just going through the motions of dying. Everything seems so pointless.

I go to the gym. But for what? I eat. For what? I go to school, I work, I play music, I game, I maintain friendships, etc. But none of it matters if I do not come home knowing that someone is waiting for me to share my days with. Sure, family is great but it is not the same love. It is eros I seek.

I’ve been caught between ideas, philosophy, beer bottles, and poetry that I’ve forgotten who I am.

WTF is my problem. Am I missing something? Seriously WTF?

Signed,
Lonely

Dear Lonely,

Desire is the root of all suffering and it seems that you’ve become its slave.

It seems that you began with a passion for love, but this passion has tragically transformed into an obsession. You have a large amount of energy that you’d like to share with someone, but it appears that nobody is willing to accept it. This is where your frustration lies. You want it, but you can’t reach it. Your quest for a partner has become the center of your life. And when the partner is not found, your life is in shambles.

So fucking quit that shit.

There’s more to life than finding the right someone. Focus on improving yourself – not for the sake of making yourself more attractive to others, but for the sake of being the best person you can be. The beautiful irony in this is that when you become the best person you can be, you naturally become more attractive to others. Adjust your intentions. When you live life for yourself instead of living life for a prospective lover, you will abandon the desire that has caused you to suffer.

Take on new hobbies. Be creative. Life is an adventure.

And quit acting like you require someone’s companionship in order to be happy. While it’s definitely a perk, you must realize that it’s not a necessity. Also, keep in mind that it’s foolish to rush into finding a perfect partner. You can’t force her to meet you – you don’t even know who she is yet! The best relationships happen naturally.

You must be happy with yourself before others can find it easier to be happy with you.

Good luck, Geek.
Jamie

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Agree with what I have to say? Do you think I’m full of shit? Tell me what you think in the comments. ]]> http://pixelatedgeek.com/2009/09/geek-counseling-life-seems-pointless-without-anyone-to-share-it-with/feed/ 4