As all gifts should be delivered: with pyrotechnics

Year after year, Christmas season seems to lengthen, like the steady advance of a conquering empire. Someday, I’ve no doubt, it’ll begin in September. And then August. When will the madness end? Will we one day face a year composed solely of anxiously awaiting that one single glorious day? Will all other Holidays fall beneath the ravenous hordes of Santa’s bloodthirsty, glory-seeking elves?

Well, until they do, the ravenous commercial machine knows no respite. To that end, here are some goods to tide any of your friends over who need a few shiny baubles this coming holidays.

$9.99: Laboratory Beaker Mug from ThinkGeek

Mad science is awesome. This is a clinically proven fact. (With Science!) Unfortunately, ours is a mundane, humdrum world, one criminally devoid of opportunities to build our very own time-traveling death ray that also makes toast, or engineer a race of immortal cybernetic minions to conquer the earth and usher in a new world order. This cute little mug allows each and every one of us to live the dream, and when we raise the black, bitter nectar contained within to our lips for just a moment, we too can close our eyes and think of what might have been.

Also, it’s a cheap and affordable mug and serves as a nifty conversation piece.

$12.95 Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Do I seriously need to explain this? It’s a classic of Victorian-era English literature by Jane Austen, augmented for the critical “action-lover” crowd with the addition of everyone’s favorite shambling hordes of animalistic undead. I mean, come on. How can you say no?

Well, I suppose you can. But it’s such a goofy premise it might be worth a read.

$20-30: And Another Thing

Another book, I know. But this could be promising. A revival/continuation of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Series after Douglas Adams’ unfortunate death, it’s written by Eoin Colfer and could be quite funny.

$29.99: The Orange Box, on Steam

With five games in one, the Orange Box still has tremendous value. Between the darkly humorous Portal and Team Fortress 2, we have two games that continue to be enormously popular. Team Fortress 2 in particular has a devoted dev team who continue to make upgrades and have a great sense of kooky humor.

$ 107.77 Arkham Horror, Arkham Horror: Dunwich Horror, Arkham Horror: The King in Yellow

This is a great board game to play among your geeky friends on a Friday night. With a collection of distinct characters, an elegant and simple set of rules and mechanics, a sometimes-goofy series of events, and a menagerie of Lovecraftian horrors to destroy, it’s a great way to spend a couple hours and its relatively simple mechanics mean it can easily be added to or expanded if you really want to. Play it seriously as a horrific experience, or snicker at the frequently bizarre events that lead your party of hapless adventurers to their inevitable doom.

And yes, with the right character, you can punch out Cthulu. Heck, he’s not even the worst among your possible opponents.

It always seems that once Halloween has passed, Christmas decorations immediately start going up. These days, Thanksgiving seems to only serve as a reminder that Christmas is right around the corner. Hell, the day right after good ol’ Turkey Day, people camp out in front of stores, looking to get the best deals for their Christmas purchases. So, with Thanksgiving and Black Friday just around the corner, what do you by for that geek in your life, hmmm?

$5-10: FTW! Mug (Thinkgeek.com) – $6.99

I don’t think you can get any geekier than a FTW Mug (For the Win for those of you who don’t speak geek). This mug is made of win, and any computer geek would probably be proud to own something like that. I know I will.

$10-20: Xbox LIVE/Playstation Network/Nintendo Points Cards – $19.99

With more DLC packs and online arcade games available than ever before, gamers need their e-wallets filled with enough currency to purchase the latest and greatest things out there. With games like ‘Splosion Man on Xbox LIVE, Trine on PSN, or several classic Nintendo games on the Wii Shop Channel, gamers need their point cards.

$20-30: Gaming Evolution T-Shirt (Cafepress.com) – $22.00

Forget about Darwin and his theories and forget about Creationism. The truth about evolution is spelled out in this awesome Cafe Press shirt. Who cares about human evolution when Gaming Evolution is just much more interesting?

$30-40: LittleBigPlanet PSP – $39.99

Little Big Planet is an awesome game. Just like the PS3 version, the PSP spin-off allows users to create their own custom levels and share them with others. And, well, Sackboy is just adorable, so what’s not to love about the game? The PSP owner in your life will probably get a big kick out of it.

$50-??: Activision/Blizzard – Several Million Dollars

Who wouldn’t want to own their own video game company? Many gamers are starting to grow tired of Bobby Kotick and his exploiting of franchises. So what better gift to give a gamer than Activision? That way, they can have the pleasure of firing Bobby Kotick all they want.

Click here to view the embedded video.

The exclusive and officially licensed Star Wars Tauntaun sleeping bag is now available for $99.99 only at ThinkGeek.com. Oh, and one more thing.  That zipper to open it is just a touch more of awesome.