I was giving a friend advice about girls the other day. His problem was that the girl wasn’t being exactly what he wanted her to be. Now, the glaring suggestion of “Well, maybe he should change” was there and popping around in his head. When asked more intimate details about the situation the problem was he was asking for things that she just couldn’t commit to or were not part of her regular set of actions. That’s silly to me. He was putting her in a position to change against her personal tenants, which is unfair in my view.
I looked at him and said, “Stop asking for Apples from an Orange tree; it’s just not going to happen.”
She was giving this amazing product in her own way, but he wanted something that was different in too many ways.
Go with me on this one.
If we are to be true to ourselves first and foremost, we shouldn’t change for someone else.
First, let’s assume we are looking for a person that will accept us for ourselves and not some other construct to be happy. Then, if asked to change unwillingly (or asking someone to change that is unwilling) for someone or something else, it would be going against the first two premises.
Now, if you are willing to change for a person on an idea or action, then you are in the clear. That is a choice that you want to make so it is still completely within your personal range of allowance.
Now, this doesn’t only apply to relationships. The same advice can be applied to your work, living situation, or any game you play. Is your job not giving you the chances and the work you want to do or see accomplished? Then go somewhere else. Do you hate the place in which you are living? Move.
There will be people that will want to change things like their jobs, houses, or social systems, but that is because they actually WANT to. If you aren’t led to change the system, then don’t force yourself to do so. It’s not your responsiblity.
If you want apples, go to an apple tree; leave the oranges to the ones that want oranges.