In an effort to draw you more into the world they aim to create, developers fill the world with a cast of characters to interact with the protagonist. Oftentimes these characters add to the world and bring a sense of life to the game. Sometimes they even evoke powerful emotions, enjoying a fame past the game they appear in. However, for every Victor Sullivan there is a Falco waiting to ruin a bit of your experience. Seriously, Falco was a giant jerk. All the time. Some characters simply don’t add anything to the game. So here are my Top 5 Useless Characters in Gaming.
5) Lee Corso or John Madden
Does anyone actually use the play calling “help” that they offer in NCAA Football or Madden? Lee Corso is an analyst for a reason, he wasn’t good enough to keep coaching. He sits on TV and where’s funny hats and prays he doesn’t mispronounce anyone’s name to badly. And the Madden. equivelent isn’t any better. John Madden was a wonderful coach. Remember when the Raiders weren’t the laughing stock of the league? Believe it or not Madden won a Super Bowl coaching the Raiders. However, the last actual game he stalked the sidelines on was in 1978. Even if he was actually on the phone with you he wouldn’t be any help.
4) Magikarp
I know, I know. Magikarp isn’t totally useless, he evolves into the, admittedly fantastic Gyarados. In order for you to get Gyarados you have to carry around what is essentially a less-useful goldfish. The Magikarp is the Pokemon version of the ugly duckling. Except when he “blossoms” he is not so much “handsome” as a “giant freaking dragon”, which actually would be a much more interesting version of the ugly duckling. Still, Magikarp makes you work for the prize at the end of the tunnel, as he can’t do anything your pet beta fish can’t.
3)Toad
What are the Mushroom people’s purpose in life, aside from being able to flee in terror every time Bowser comes a-knocking? What are their day jobs? Are their heads mushrooms, or is that some sort of a hat? I need answers, people. All I can gather is that they need someone else to come and save their rear ends constantly. Shouldn’t they be able to defend their own princess at this point? Shouldn’t there be a plan at least, other than call the Mario Brothers? It must be embarrassing and ruin the national pride of the people.
2)Waluigi
His very exsistance hinges on the fact that Mario has Wario, so for games where the whole gang gets together to enjoy a nice sporting event Luigi can have his sinister counterpart. He doesn’t have his own set of games to star in. He does not save or ruin worlds. He lives to play golf. Maybe he has found that nothing in this world satisfies him like unleashing a killer serve. That isn’t good enough for me though. He should at least get a DS game or something.
1)Natalya from Goldeneye N64
I have a query for you. If someone was shooting at you with bullets, and you had no weapon, what would you do. If you answered “cower like a little girl in the best hiding spot possible” then congratulations, you are a perfectly normal adult. If you answered continuously run back and forth in front of the bullets fired at you, then you probably helped develop Natalya’s AI. My youth was wrapped around Goldeneye. To this day I expect her to run straight at bullets in the movie version.
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