There has been a lot of hype in the geek world regarding a certain article in which the author publicly lambasts her OKCupid date for being a World Champion in Magic: The Gathering. Understandably, a lot of individuals are offended that a woman would reject a man and attempt to publicly insult him on a popular blogging site. But, what is honestly so terrible about having standards? And why do we feel the need to harass each other?
For those of you that haven’t caught up to the outrage, an article appeared on Gizmodo by Alyssa Bereznak entitled, “My Brief OkCupid Affair with a World Champion Magic: The Gathering Player.” In the article, which Ms. Bereznak admits, “sounds mean,” she discusses her ill-fated journey into online dating through OkCupid and how she eventually went on a date with Jon Finkel, an incredibly well known MTG player and world champion of the game. Ms. Bereznak admits that she was put off by this discovery and wished that he had disclosed that information ahead of time before their date.
Bereznak uses some pretty colorful words and some pretty harsh statements when discussing her date with Finkel, and it is not left to the imagination that she was judging him on the discovery that he still enjoyed playing Magic. The tone of the article naturally offended many players of Magic and other individuals involved in geek culture as well. It’s easy to understand why.
Even today, geek culture and the entertainment it enjoys are the target of outsiders. There is a history of bullying that has gone with enjoying things that have been considered “geeky” or “nerdy”. What Ms. Bereznak writes in this article can upset many of us, because it harkens back to our childhood and teen years and feelings of shame and guilt associated with enjoying something mainstream society thought was weird.
However, it also enrages many geeks because of the dating aspect that was tied to it. It’s the idea that yet another female was rejecting a male geek because he disgusted her. Oh, those women, so fickle and bitchy. What a bunch of harpies.
And this is where both sides are in the wrong.
This is too common in the geek community when it involves a battle between genders, especially when sex and relationships are involved. The Internet is very good at maintaining anonymity, and we feel that we can say whatever comes to our minds without thinking through it. In the time I started to follow this story, I watched as people began a witch-hunt, created a mean-spirited meme about her, and used every single colorful descriptor of a woman in the English language. It came down to men (and women) who felt insulted by a woman’s choice to not peruse a relationship with a “nerd,” feeling the need to insult her with every sexist comment in the book. How does that solve anything?
Yes, Ms. Bereznak could have used a different approach in communicating her feelings regarding Magic and Mr. Finkel. What happened is an excellent example of bullying and degrading that happens far too often for those involved in “geeky” things.
But I think this male-dominated culture forgets women are right there, too. Both have a history of being abused, mocked and chastised for admitting the things that we love about ourselves. Women are geeks and enjoy playing Magic just as much as you do (you’re reading an article by one of them right now).
It is just as inappropriate for us to start harassing a woman for having standards not fitting your own. There is nothing wrong with a woman openly admitting that she didn’t want to date someone because of a certain aspect to his or her lifestyle. Common courtesy dictates that we do not publicly harass them for their lifestyle afterwards, but it would be a long shot to say that no one else has ever mocked another human being for their way of life.
It is just unfortunate that Ms. Bereznak chose such a public forum to do so.
Let’s just do the world a favor and let this one go. If those insulted by the article really believe they wouldn’t waste their time on this woman, then why bother continuing the antics by insulting women in general?