It’s time yet again to Social Distance the heck out of this epidemic and watch a movie together while still staying in three different states: North Carolina, Florida, and California. Next up for the Tri-State Watch Party, we went with 1963’s The Haunting.
The Netflix Watch Party app ended up being a little complicated, so we just set a time to hit “play” and then chatted through instant messenger. Click the jump to read some highlights from the conversation.
The Players: Elizabeth, Hannah, Kathryn, Nathan, and the parents (Parents represented here by Marian, because Dad would chisel a message in a stone tablet before typing anything on a phone.)
(Some inside information: we’ve all seen Netflix’s “The Haunting of Hill House, and Mom’s main opinion was that the Mom and Dad were horrible parents who never should have inflicted that house on their children The End.)
Hannah
We’ve got it here
Elizabeth
Ready when yall are!
Nathan
So are we.
Hannah
And 3, 2, 1… go!
Elizabeth
Playing!
Better delivery of the opening than Netflix’s version for sure
Nathan
Vincent Price is not in this movie, but he should have been.
Kathryn
Opening narration is word for word from the book.
Elizabeth
I hadn’t realized the Netflix theme song was an homage to this one
Hannah
Well HoHH managed that, too…
Elizabeth
It needed more gravitas than what Steve could manage.
Kathryn
Quite
Hannah
SERIOUSLY
Elizabeth
Aren’t there a lot of bad guys with the last name Crane?
Kathryn
Ichabod isn’t so bad.
Elizabeth
Isn’t Batman’s Scarecrow Dr. Crane?
Kathryn
Yep
Hannah
Lordy, body already
Kathryn
Eee. BAD TOUCH.
Hannah
Haha
Nooooo
Yipes
Elizabeth
Excellently creepy shot of the body at the foot of the stairs
Nathan
Being Mrs Crane is about like being the drummer in Spinal Tap.
Elizabeth
Heh
Hannah
Sorry I’ll just be contributing noises
Elizabeth
hahahah
Fooling around with a farmhand on the veranda will now be part of my vocabulary
Oh cool, spiral stairs too
Kathryn
Wait, the evil reputation didn’t start until AFTER the first two deaths?
Elizabeth
You’re too judgey, two deaths is perfectly fine.
Hannah
WE GOT FRESH ROPE HERE, FRESH ROPE FOR HANGING
Kathryn
Back in MY day…
Elizabeth
Hannah
Tweet I saw the other day: “nobody’s ever seen a dinosaur ghost so we know they all died happily with no unfinished business”
Nathan
Kathryn
Elizabeth
The science is sound.
Hannah
Pound shop Clark Gable has it coming
Kathryn
Kid’s got a snack coming
Elizabeth
snack or smack
Kathryn
Smack
Hannah
I was seriously about to say “eat the child”
Elizabeth
man sis and brother in law are smarmy af
Hannah
Awwwwful
Kathryn
We got to linger with them more in the book. shudder
Elizabeth
Bleh
Hannah
No texting while driving, Nell
Elizabeth
No weird internal narrative while driving, Nell
Hannah
SUBtexting AMIRITE
Elizabeth
hahaha
Kathryn
Eyes on the road!
Elizabeth
Man that whole gate says go away
My sympathy for her is on the wane
Kathryn
“Creepy old fuck, practically wears a sign saying YOU WILL DIE…”
Hannah
“At least she didn’t bring her children with her” man Mom holds a GRUDGE
Kathryn
Hee
Elizabeth
hahahahaha
Man they got a GREAT actress for Mrs. Dudley
Kathryn
It’s hilarious how Mrs Dudley’s speech turns ridiculous on the second go-around
Hannah
OH JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY
Nathan
Hannah
Dr. Magnum PI
Nathan
Elizabeth
hee
“Maybe a whipping post or two” seriously do we need to get you two a room?
Kathryn
“We’re going to use this as the operating room. Ha ha.” RUN.
Hannah
Managed to make a door NOT closing creepy
Kathryn
The decorating style of this house can best be described as “busy as fuck”.
Hannah
Boy howdy
Nathan
Luke is Dr. Jacobi from Twin Peaks.
Elizabeth
OH THAT’S WHY HE LOOKED SO FAMILIAR
Nathan
Nathan
YOU’VE GOT TO SHOVEL YOURSELF OUT OF THE SHIT!!
Elizabeth
hahaha
Hannah
Theo you are a wolf barking up the wrong tree
Elizabeth
I figured Nell was picked because of that ghostly voice following her around all the time…
Hannah
Not Theo, Luke
Elizabeth
Heh, I’d read “theo” as “then” so I thought the sentence worked.
Hannah
It’s weird how the candle flames look like they’re in color
Elizabeth
Huh, they do.
Hannah
This must’ve been the inspiration for that Black Mirror episode
Elizabeth
Which one?
Hannah
The one with the American who stays overnight in a virtual haunted house
Elizabeth
OH, totally forgot about that episode.
Hannah
It does creepy pretty well
Elizabeth
All joking aside, I’m surprised they went as obvious with Theo’s flirting, was that pretty progressive for the early 60s?
Hannah
I was just gonna say
Nathan
Very.
Kathryn
Heeeere we go.
Hannah
That one of the best images from the Netflix version came from this
Elizabeth
figures under the door?
Kathryn
Properly scary stuff
Hannah
And the twisting old handle
Kathryn
I like that quick glare from Theo when she heard Nell say “John”.
Elizabeth
Luke wipes something off the wall and his first impulse is to taste it. Typical.
Hannah
WHY WOULD YOU TASTE IT
Elizabeth
Jinx!
Hannah
Mrs. Dudley is NOT going to be accused of sneaking away without notice
Elizabeth
Heh
Hannah
If this were a modern-day horror movie dumbass Luke would be dead by now
Elizabeth
Oh yes.
You tell im Theo
Kathryn
And now the creepy humming
Elizabeth
Also the dancing with nobody, which is Nell’s thing.
Kathryn
That is a crazy-high staircase
Nathan
Makes my palms sweat just looking at it.
Hannah
Dr. Corduroy also looks like Brian Torfeh from the Asolo
“Dizzy like a fox” fuck off Luke
Kathryn
Eleanor definitely likes grenade-fishing for compliments
Elizabeth
She’s lying isn’t she?
She doesn’t have a place?
Kathryn
Yep
Elizabeth
Got it.
Kathryn
“You mean where we’re standing?” MY REACTION TOO.
Elizabeth
Iiiinteresting
Kathryn
God just the thought of lying there with that voice outside
Elizabeth
They need to show us Theo and they need to show us now
Eep!
Oh wow, young Shirley or Theo had that line in the Netflix version
Hannah
I think it was Nell holding Theo’s hand there
Kathryn
“Preternatural”. I don’t think I ever heard an explanation of that word.
I wanna know how Eleanor makes her hair into that pillbox shape.
Elizabeth
Aaaah, I’d thought she might’ve ACTUALLY killed her mother.
Hannah
Your sister is a bitch, Nell
Elizabeth
Boy howdy
Kathryn
Word.
Nathan
Elizabeth
Theo’s eye roll is speaking for all of us
Kathryn
Nell, settle down.
Elizabeth
hahah “don’t be a bore Nell.” Not comforting, but hilarous.
That WAS pretty catty of Theo.
Kathryn
“Can’t you take a joke?” Blargh.
Hannah
“Cmon I Isolde, Tristan wants you inside”
Elizabeth
“Nature’s mistakes. YOU for instance.” I mean, OW.
Nathan
Moneypenny!
Elizabeth
Oh no way!
Elizabeth
Nice work on making an open door INTENSELY creepy
Hannah
MIND YOUR TEA
Kathryn
Ugh, look at the words on the arch.
Suffer Little Children Suffer Little Children Suffer
Elizabeth
eeeeeeee……
Hannah
The real ghosts were the lesbians we jilted along the way
Elizabeth
hahahah
Nathan
Elizabeth
I love that statue by the fire
Kathryn
JUST about to say that.
Elizabeth
The rest of the room, not so much
Geez I thought Mr. Dudley had snuck in there for a second whew
Kathryn
Ew, Luke, other people want to drink that brandy.
Elizabeth
ha
Kathryn
God, that’s the perfect scary booming noise.
Elizabeth
That’s amazingly creepy
Hannah
NOT THE BOOZE, LUKE
Elizabeth
hahaha
Kathryn
Again with the dancing
Elizabeth
I had no idea how much of an homage that was
Hannah
Lots of homages, which is nice
Elizabeth
Very
Elizabeth
WHAT WAS THAT
“Sorry, honey, but you’re not the type I keep.” He’s a jerk, but that was a good line.
Hannah
Oh, she needs a home
Elizabeth
Yeeeaaaah
Hannah
…hi I am VERY slow
Elizabeth
ha
Do NOT let that woman drive you idiots.
Hannah
Fucking right she drives
Oh, haha, on the other hand, good point
Elizabeth
Heh
Hannah
KISS HER
no not you
Elizabeth
“She has my place it isn’t fair.” She’s…not talking about the house there is she
Kathryn
What did y’all THINK was gonna happen
Elizabeth
“Why don’t they stop me?” Uh…you’re in a car?
Kathryn
WHO WAS THAT?
Hannah
Legit terrifying
UNTIMELY STROLL, EH, GRACE?
Elizabeth
Yep, Luke and Theo aren’t buying it.
On second thought, Luke’s buying it.
Hannah
Punch him, Theo
Elizabeth
Niiiice.
Hannah
Awesome
Nathan
Great movie. Very creepy.
Kathryn
No wondering about the House’s motivation in THIS version, that’s for damn sure.
Hannah
“Well at least no one was torturing their children” GIVE IT A REST, MOM
Elizabeth
AHAHAHA
Nathan
Hannah
Aaaaaaaand scene
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