This is it, the second-to-last issue of the whole series. And after reading it, I still have no guesses as to how they’re going to wrap this up. Keep reading for a review of Die #19.
Some spoilers below.
So after last issue I decided that Ash was either a little evil or a lot stupid, because of all the selfish stunts she’s pulled that end up with her all wide-eyed and sad, just absolutely shocked that everything’s gone so wrong. And then she does it again. Aaaand again.
I feel like I have to walk that back a bit after this issue.
If you’ve been reading Die from the beginning then this isn’t a spoiler: Ash is cis male and heterosexual back in the real world, but definitely female in the world of Die. And we’ve been dancing around that disconnect for so long I forgot that it still puzzles her friends. Plenty of people role play as different genders, but with Ash it’s always felt like something more, but nobody wanted to talk about it, especially Ash.
This issue Ash is confronted with a literally larger-than-life representation of all that repression, and it’s finally time to talk about it.
As if being indecisive is a bad thing. Mostly decisive people just make wrong decisions more quickly.
I can’t speak to the genderfluid experience myself, so I can’t imagine what it’d be like, to have someone offer you the body that exactly matches the one in your heart, no surgery or injections needed, and you can keep it as long as you want, as long as you screw over all your friends.
Ash’s self-loathing is all tied up with her female identity here in Die, all the guilt and confusion and survivor’s instinct. None of that makes her evil, but if I’m reading it right it’s almost like being evil is easier than confronting the fact that back in the real world she’s not the person she wishes she could be. The bad guy doesn’t have to think about her wife back home, who I’m guessing has some idea of how Ash feels, but maybe not the extent of it. The villain doesn’t have to care that her friends want to go home, and they can’t do that unless they all go home, and she wants to stay.
But there’s more going on than that. Like I said, the genderfluid story isn’t really mine to tell, if anybody’d like to comment below I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Meanwhile her friends have been collateral damage in her struggle for a long time. It sounds like they want to be supportive, but they want to survive too, and Ash isn’t easy to trust. I won’t spoil things, but I will say that’s a larger conversation than can fit into one issue, and Kieron Gillen’s not really one to say “and they had one heart-to-heart and everything was fixed!”
As for the rest of the Party, I mentioned last issue about Chuck and Angela’s history (they dated years ago), and it didn’t exactly come up again this issue, but Chuck did make a decision that’s typically Chuck. (Well, “typically Chuck” for the version of himself in issue 19. I don’t think issue 2 Chuck would’ve made the same call. Or not for the same reason?) I have to look back though, did we already know about that particular source of Fair Gold?
By the way, I love all the Tolkien references in this issue, and there’s a neat thing that happens with Ash’s dress where I’m sure all the LotR fans are going “I see what you did there.”
Speaking of dresses, Ash looked fantastic this issue. The art in this series has had a lot of gorgeous moments, but Ash’s design will always be my favorite. I’ll miss seeing Stephanie Hans’ work every month or so, and she’s certainly pulling out the stops in the last few issues, it’s hard to choose what panel I liked best. I loved all the scenes of Ash facing down her little “problem” on the bridge, Izzy’s face when she’s clumsily trying to be supportive, Ash’s hair moving in the breeze when she says “You wanted me to find myself..”, and that cover! This series has had some amazing covers, both from Stephanie and the variant covers by guests, but holy cow the main cover for this issue is just perfect.
I do wonder sometimes, how much of the story is going over my head, not just because of the genderfluid conversation, but also the RPG element. I’ve read Tolkien and I played a lot of D&D in college, but I’m not as immersed in it as I’m assuming a lot of readers are. In the story and the interviews at the end of every issue, Gillen does a hell of a deep dive into role-playing history and culture, and sometimes I feel like some elements don’t resonate with me because I haven’t played in a long time. It’s made me want to take up D&D again for sure, but I wonder if any other readers feel that way. Like you’re happy to be swimming in this RPG comic book ocean, but it feels like there’s a bigger meaning in this giant wave that’s going by way over your head? Might just be me.
The final panel certainly sets us up for the final issue though, boy howdy.
