Jack the Giant Slayer is the epic retelling of the ‘Jack and the Beanstalk’ story we’ve all heard as children, directed by Bryan Singer, mostly known for X-Men, X-Men 2, and the disappointing Superman Returns. Here we find our hero Jack, a dreamer wishing for adventure. He meets up with the reluctant princess, Isabelle, who is also seeking adventure, and with the use of some magic beans, they do find an adventure. High above the kingdom lives evil giants who want nothing more than to destroy man’s world. Now it’s up to Jack to stop the invasion of the giants, save the kingdom, and get the girl.
First of all, this is not a good movie. From the sloppy prologue, using some of the worst animation ever seen, we learn that a great king once fought the giants and saved the kingdom. But at no point is it explained why the giants want to destroy man’s world. It’s implied that the once great king imprisoned them in their own kingdom in the sky. So he keeps them in their own home? A home, that from what we see, that has food and shelter. Why would the giants leave? The king is the one who had the beans, the giants did not, so why do the giants care about us? Other than the giants simply being pure evil and not liking humans, there is little reason for them to even bother with the human world. The movie starts sloppy and just keeps getting worse as it continues on.
Based on a short fable, which is then painfully stretched to a 90 minute movie, Jack the Giant Slayer starts off problematic, then the filmmakers just keeping adding more and more to a story that was already pretty simple to begin with. A little back-story: This movie was supposed to come out June 2012. Then it was moved to October 2012. Still not being ready, it got a title change from Jack the Giant Killer to Jack the Giant Slayer, to sound more friendly. Then it got moved for a third time to this month, March 2013, stating that the movie “needed more time for special effects and marketing”. Little unknown fact, if your movie keeps moving dates with more time being added to “fix it”, that’s not a good thing. And after seeing it, it’s still not a good thing.
The characters in this movie are poorly written and one-dimensional the whole way though. At no point did a single character grow, learn from a mistake, or make us believe in them. There is no time set aside in the movie for character development. What you see is what you get, with standard fairytale troupes like you’ve seen before. The movie assumes you know and can figure out the basics of Jack’s world. That’s not how movies work, if you don’t tell the viewer, we don’t know, it’s a very simple process. Nothing new is brought to the table. Even the giants suffer from this. They’re just evil for no reason, they just want to destroy man’s world. Not only are they played as pure evil, but they are also disgusting. The amount of snot and fart gags is unbelievable. I expect better from the filmmaker.
The actors are doing their best, but even their best isn’t great. Unlike in Warm Bodies where Nicholas Hoult, who plays Jack, carries the film and you want to believe in him as the hero, here all he carries is the weight of a bad movie. It’s a shame really. Eleanor Tomlinson, who plays Isabelle, is basically the damsel in distress the whole time. She never gets a “female empowerment” or “girl power” moment. Nor can she defend herself in anyway. She always seems to be in need of someone to save her, which isn’t terrible, but in todays movies I’d expect more with so many strong female characters taking the lead in films these days. Stanley Tucci, Ian McShane, and Bill Nighy, are all exceptional and amazing actors who are needed in a much better film. They’re all stereotypical, underused, and look tired. It looks like this was a rough shoot and everyone was going though the motions of making a movie.
Now the only actor who I feel gave a damn was Ewan McGregor, playing the part of kings lead knight. He seems to be having fun. But not for the reasons you would think. He comes off more like he’s laughing at you, the viewer, for paying to see this. He seems to know that this is a bad movie and he’s just Obi-Waning it up like a mother. From his bad accent and ridiculous haircut, he’s hard to take seriously, giving him a “meh” vibe the whole time.
The special effects are used as well as they could be. There are several scenes where you can clearly see it’s a real location, then cut to green screen, then back to location. That’s pretty standard, but here it’s so noticeable that it pulls you out of the movie more than once. I feel that lack of experience from Bryan Singer in filming with 3D technology is to blame. He has said this was going to be his first time directing in 3D. And it feels like it too, because of 3D’s complex process and Singer’s deciding to learn on the set, these are some of the reasons for this movie being delayed for so long.
The CGI of the giants is done well, but mostly because I feel the animators were the only people giving it 100%. The giants look good, even in their grossness. The only major issues with the giants is their inconsistency in size. They seem to change size depending on what was needed at the time in the script. Same with some of the objects they would pick up. At one point the king of the giants picks up a crown from a man’s head, suddenly the crown becomes large enough to fit on 2 fingers of the giant. But then goes right back to fitting perfectly on a man’s head. Now, I understand, suspension of disbelief and all that, but come on! Now if it had been explained with some sort of magic then by all means continue, but it wasn’t. And why does one giant have two heads you may ask? Hell if I know, it’s never explained. Just something I’m sure someone said, “Hey that would be cool if it had two heads.” Guess what? It’s not.
This is a bad movie. I don’t think anyone should see it. It’s not for adults, definitely not for kids, and young tweens would be bored. So who was this made for? For a 190 million dollar movie, this fails on so many levels. If you want to see a good version of ‘Jack and the Beanstalk’, check out ABC’s Once upon a Time. Not only did it do a better version of the story a few weeks back, but on a TV budget and cut to 42 mins. Even better, go back and re-watch Disney’s 1947’s animated short Mickey and the Beanstalk. These are much better choices for your ‘Jack and the Beanstalk’ needs.
There is no excuse for how bad this movie was. From start to finish it was a mess: Uninspired, messy, and a waste of talent. With Bryan Singer having more misses than hits, one begins to wonder if he even has the directing ability to do the next X-Men movie. Matthew Vaughn left some big shoes to fill when he exited X-Men: First Class 2. Can Singer go back to a franchise that he helped build? Honestly, I don’t think he can. But maybe he’ll surprise me. Maybe that will be a movie he cares about and wants to make well. Because it sure wasn’t Jack the Giant Slayer.